JOKES ENJOY ........................Shayari

  
Don't Talk to My Parrot

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish-washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog; he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
>When the repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lays there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business.
>The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"  To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
 
 
 The Successful Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan.  
The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard runs into him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."  
  
  
Why I Am So Tired!!!  

For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep,
not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job,
earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of.  
But now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.  
Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired, 
which leaves 133 million to do the work.  
There are 85 million in school, 
 which leaves 48 million to do the work.  
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government, 
which leaves 19 million to do the work.  
2.8 million are in the armed forces
preoccupied with killing Bin Laden,   
which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people
who work for state and city governments  
and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.  
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,  
which leaves 1,212,000 to do the work.  
As of today, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves JUST TWO PEOPLE to do the work...  
YOU and ME!!  
 And there you are sitting at your computer, reading jokes.   Nice, real nice...
  
  
A Real Brain Teaser!
Read this sentence:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Now count aloud the ' F' s in that sentence.
Count them ONLY ONCE; do not go back and count them again.
Then see below..
The answer is below. (scroll down)
ANSWER:There are six F's in the sentence.One of average intelligence